The official music video for “Judge Jury Executioner” is now available on YouTube!
December 17th, 2017
I don’t think I’ve ever truly gotten over you. Sure, I’ve let go of my hatred upon learning how unjustified it truly was, but have I truly forgot you? No, no I haven’t. If anything, I think about you even more now.
I know how you look now. Sometimes, I’ll voluntarily whisk myself away into galleries of nothing but your face. I’ve read paragraphs upon paragraphs of carefully written words about you, and each phrase and clause is still with me today. I’m not exactly sure why I allow myself to engage in this self-destructive behavior. I know in the end it will only burn me and leave me a breathless mess, but I have no self-control when it comes to you.
I’m not going to act like you are in my mind like you were before, but I’m not going to pretend that I’ve let you go, because I haven’t. There is some force that keeps drawing me to you, and I don’t know why. Perhaps there’s some higher power trying to show me something, but I can’t figure out what that’d be. I can’t explain what about you and your story is so fascinating that I continue to be pulled in.
Sometimes I wish you’d leave my head. Other times I wish you’d stay, because in some moments, I don’t mind your presence in my thoughts. On some days, you’re the one thing in my head that stays the same when everything else changes. On other days, however, I want to just rip those thoughts straight out and wash them down the drain.
One of these days, I’m going to finally figure out why I can’t resist you, and perhaps that will be the day I learn how to control myself, and how to let go of you, because you’re fire, and when you play with fire, you’re bound to get burned.
Today is the day! Floorboard Stories has been released! Ah!!!!
I cannot tell you how excited I am that it is finally released. Floorboard Stories is available on SoundCloud for streaming and download and YouTube for streaming. There’s also a new page on the website dedicated to it under “Music.” You can find the full album art, liner notes, and formatted lyrics there.
Thank you for being with me for this exciting day!
Floorboard Stories Album Release Party: Friday December 1st, 7:00PM EST (GMC-5), @lexzee429 on Instagram.
Come join Alexzandria for a celebration of the release of her first album, Floorboard Stories! She will be performing all eight tracks off the album during what will be an approximately one hour performance.
Saturday, November 18th, 4:00PM – 5:00PM EST (GMC-5). @lexzee429 on Instagram.
Come join singer-songwriter Alexzandria S. for a live show in which 7 out of 8 tracks off of Floorboard Stories will be performed before the album’s release. The performance will be approximately one hour long, and is free for all to attend. After the performance is over, it will only be avaliable for 24 hours before dissapearing completely, so you don’t want to miss it.
It seems that we are in the same boat.
And you’re fearful.
Our futures both depend on a three hour spectacle.
But you seem strong
And I feel weak.
How do I become more like you?
How do I face the unknown so strongly?
It seems that storms are heading towards us.
The difficulty is increasing for me,
And the difficulty is increasing for you.
Tension is rising as we speak.
But you continue marching
As I fall to pressure.
How do I fight against the time?
How do I attack the rising waters?
It seems that neither of us are doing well.
I’m hanging on a thread,
And you’re hanging on a thread.
Can either of us work this out?
But you hold your head up
While mine sinks down.
How do you keep it together?
How do you handle reality?
It seems we are in the same boat.
And you’re losing.
We are both facing failure.
But you continue onward.
As this won’t define your life.
And I now continue onward,
This will not define my life.
The forest was wide, and brimming with light behind every crevice in between the trees. The rustling wind cut through, taking the leaves from the ground up with it, and flew around the vast area. I, however, stood towards the edge of the plot. Just a few feet away was the drop-off, the place where the trees stopped growing and the grass turned to stones that stopped right above the gushing river below.
The river had been the subject of many stories that I had heard. It was a stream of dedication, a cascade of strength, an overflowing basin of heart. It was the goal I had set for myself, and I stood so close to it, so close to my new reality.
I knew that sound all too well.
“Trying to ruin my moment, aren’t you?” I said, clenching my hands into fists upon hearing another leaf snap.
“I’m here to warn you, actually.”
Not moving at all, I said, “Warn me of what? Your ridiculous amounts of apathy? I’m going, and you’re not stopping me this time.”
“You shouldn’t,” you said, your voice slightly louder than before.
I ran forward, towards the drop-off. Every step got me closer. I could begin to hear the water racing below. I was ready. I was ready for the moment I waited my entire life for.
You chased after me, but I jumped too fast into the surge of illness and misery. It was too late for me now. Time seemed to move in slow motion as I fell, never going fast enough. As I descended, I turned around, and that’s when I realized my mistake.
You weren’t who I thought you were. Continue reading “Jumped too Fast”
“What are you feeling right now?”
I continued to stare down, watching your reflection through the glass of sweet tea that sat in front of me.
“C’mon,” you said, nudging my arm from across the table, “you’ll make it through.”
I stayed silent, without noise or motion.
“So it’s really that much, huh?”
I sighed in response.
“I see.” You paused. “Do you remember last spring at all? It was horrible for the both of us. I was caught up in that losing game, and you were caught up in that darned paper. You were so caught up in it, I thought you had lost it! You were completely absorbed in how much you hated that thing.”
“For good reason,” I replied, “it was three pages of torture.” I titled my head to your right, my gaze still locked of the tall glass of tea.
“Yeah, and look where you’re at now.”
I looked up, our eyes meeting.
“You’re still standing here, aren’t you?”
You shook your head and let out a laugh as to tell me, ‘I knew what you meant.’ “Point still stands. You made it out then, you can make it out now.”
I smiled, sitting up straight. I took a sip from the sugar-loaded tea, leaning forward as I placed the glass back down. “Well, I guess I should go get started, huh?”
We picked ourselves up from off the café booths, and stepped out onto the hardwood floor.
“Thank you,” I said, turning to you as I took a step away from the table.
“You’re welcome,” you replied, flashing your signature smile that could light up an entire room.
Without any thought, I smiled back as we parted ways, not to see each other until next Monday. We were only apart for a few seconds, and yet I already couldn’t wait for next week. I hoped to be able to prove to you that I did make it through it all.
I know what I want. I’m not aimlessly wandering, hoping to strike gold. I what I want, and I know that nothing else will suffice. I know my goal, and I have a desire to reach it.
I know what I want, but I can’t obtain it. I have no opportunities. Every open door leads to another grueling cycle of being stuck with something I don’t want until I finally abandon it. And as for the doors that are locked, I don’t know where they lead; I can’t break through them. The windows have been painted over and can’t be opened. I know what I want, but I have no paths.
I know what I want, but who would want me back? Who would listen to such pointless chatter? Who would dare support my messed up ideas? Who would be willing to give up so much of their time to me? And even if they would do all of that, compatibility would probably be absent.
I know what I want, but it’s out of stock. All that’s left is an empty shop.